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Two bears, two minds

November 13, 2012

So – there was an article in the news today that really got me thinking about religion.  You can read the article here, but in a nutshell, a church in Jacksonville Florida has hired a registered sex offender as a pastor, and has banned children from their services because he has a restraining order against contact with children.

I am of two minds in this situation.  On the one hand I think to myself “What sort of crazy-assed idiots hire a sex offender – one who molested children in his LAST JOB AT A CHURCH – to be their pastor?”  The idea seems crazy to me, even given my understanding that Christians are really big on forgiving people that they happen to like, and will seemingly let them get away with any old sort of behavior so long as they say afterwards “I prayed about it and asked for forgiveness.”

They must like this guy a lot.  They clearly like him far more than they like their gay neighbors or women who have abortions (or at least those who have abortions and don’t utter the magical “Get Out of Hell Free” phrase).  They appear to like him so much that they are willing to put guards on the door to turn away children and tear down the playground on their property to discourage their attendance.  The Holy Spirit must be really strong in his words, oh my yes.

Seriously people, seriously, there was no one else who you could have installed in this position that would not have required you to tear down your playground and have guards at the door of your church turning away families with children?  Doesn’t this behavior strike you as even a LITTLE BIT WEIRD?

On the other hand, in a crazy sort of way, I think to myself “This is the most awesome thing EVAR!”  Not only does it show up some of the crazy that can work its way into organized religion, but it PROTECTS CHILDREN!  This church has determined to put people outside the doors specifically to prevent children from participating in, hearing, and/or learning about their religious beliefs.  It is sheer, unadulterated GENIUS!  It makes me feel so self-satisfied, so pleased, that I am bordering on becoming sanctimonious about the whole thing!  I mean, talk about shooting your own ideology in the head with a large caliber handgun made of crazy!  I simply cannot make up arguments against religion that are nearly so viscerally persuasive as this one brilliant, crazy church!

I hereby award the congregation of the Christ Tabernacle Missionary Baptist Church of Jacksonville Florida the “Tank of Man-Eating Seals” award for sheer weird brilliance.

Convicted child molester Darrell Gilyard wins the “Two She-Bears” award for abusing a 15-year-old in 2009.

This installment of Two She Bears was brought to you by Matthew 19:14.


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